molly b photography

This is a new project I am attempting. I attended the Jeremy Cowart Lifefinder Conference in December and he really challenged me as a photographer to think outside the box. In that I also wanted to see through the Lords lens (yes, that is incredibly cheesy). So around the new year, I began to pray that the Lord would inspire me and teach me to be as creative as he is, cause he is pretty darn creative. Talk about a good mentor. Anyways, I could easily become sidetracked and let my ADD take over that I am becoming increasingly aware of. In answer to that, I feel like Jesus has just been speaking “peace” and pinpointing it in many areas of my life lately. So, Photographs of Peace. I don’t really know how this is going to happen, I’m just going to wait on the Lord to release the inspiration. So please comment, like, RT, whatever you social network you do… to encourage me to keep doing this. I am really inconsistent when it comes to blogging, but I love it so I want to keep at it. 

My first Photograph of Peace… the topic of control. 

I recently moved into an apartment. I am loving it. The furniture layout, design, the privacy, the ownership, and the grown-up feeling it brings me. The things I don’t love so much about it… the three large insects I have killed in the past two days (which reminds me I need to buy some Raid-stop ADD- you will not win this time), the other kind of grown-up feeling… aka the “realizing you’re now broke after paying rent” feeling and the fact that I don’t have a dishwasher. 
So I wash all my dishes by hand. I am usually ok with this. Last week, I was very attentive to my dishes and they maybe stayed in the sink overnight once. Though I am sure my mother would laugh and try to persuade you otherwise, I don’t like living in a mess. It really stresses me out. If my room ever got messy and I had a really busy week, I would just avoid it all together until I had to go to bed. Well, today I surprisingly got of work early and had time to kill. Ate lunch with my seester and favorite niece and nephew. Shout out to T&E. Ran some errands. Ran home to see my momma. Came home ready to relax. As soon as I set down my groceries that I took from my parents’ house (oh yes I did), the dishes piled up in the sink just stared at me. Almost mocking me. The control freak in my started to rise up as I pulled my sleeves up to get my hands dirty and deep in dishes— So deep that my hands will be raisins when I’m done and I will add those yellow gloves, that only grandmothers wear, to my mental “To-Buy” list. And suddenly, I just felt the Lord telling me to stop. I know that sounds so weird. But I just wanted to get it done. “It will just take a minute Lord. Just let me wash them… its driving me a little crazy.” I just felt like he was telling me that he was going to take care of it. Again… that sounds a little crazy. I’m sure friends and/or family reading this may be concerned with all the alone time I have now with my current living situation… but you don’t need to take me to the looney bin. yet. (kidding). No, I don’t think the Lord is going to come wash my dishes for me as I sleep tonight like a dishwashing fairy. Not that I don’t want him to… Lord if you want to display your signs, wonders, and miracles in that way by washing my dishes…don’t let my little faith stop you.  Ok. Back to point (again, I am seeing how easily distracted I am as I get older). Spiritually, the Lord is going to wash my dishes. clean my mess. take control. 

In my life I have a situation, where I just want to roll my sleeves up and get my hands dirty, and fix it. Get it over and done with. However, I feel the Lord’s peace resting and raining over me, as He tenderly reached his hand to lovingly stop me from hastily jumping in to my mess. (lots of adverbs right there y’all) And all day.. or the past couple of days, I have been thinking and “half praying” (you know where you start to pray for the Lord’s will and then your mind takes over). But through it all and through thinking I know what is best, I haven’t felt his peace. Until, I just let that thought simmer in my soul. Just receive His peace.

You know what, there are still dishes in my sink. My kitchen, to me, is a eyesore, because of it. But I am at peace. Isn’t that what peace is though? When there is chaos and mess and confusion in your life… there is peace. I was recently reading in a devotional I get, that peace which is shalom is broken down meaning “to destroy chaos.” It also means “nothing missing, nothing broken.” So in John 14:26 when Jesus says “I leave you my peace” he is saying I am giving you the ability to destroy chaos in your life and the opportunity to be well and whole. 

So, as I am grasping the idea of the peace that passes all understanding, I pray that I (& you) would know that his peace is a gift to be received and not taken for granted. That there is no mess too big that can’t be covered by his peace.

This is Ally. My mom keeps her during the day, and let me tell you, she is a cutie. I was more than excited to take pictures of her and her big sis Ashley. 

I had the pleasure of taking engagement pictures of two of the most fun people that I know. I am so excited to see what the Lord has planned for these two in their life together. 

Last week, I took pictures of my spunky niece Ella Reese. I love this little one so much and enjoy seeing her unique and bold personality unfold as she grows up. Speaking of growing up, I wish she would slow it down. I feel like she was born just yesterday. Here are some shots of her at the park with her big brother Trey. Enjoy :) 

Part two! My plan was to put five in each part, but apparently I cannot count, as I originally had  two #4s in the last post. So here we go at number 7. 

7. The next generation is a big deal. 

After spending a week with these amazing students, it became real to me how important it is to invest in those younger than us. I remember I once had a vision of the beach. I saw the waves crashing on the shore. Each wave would rush in then fall back into the ocean and then another wave, then another, and another, and so on. But I felt the Lord saying those were the generations. What if each generation (each wave) built off of the previous generation?  Maybe the waves wouldn’t be contained to the beach. I love that Potter’s House (the church we partner with in Scotland) truly believes in these kids. They know how vital their youth are to their nation and to the church. I now see it too. I see it here as well. I am convicted that I need to put myself in a position where I can give and receive! I have so much I want to learn from those who are farther along on this journey and have experienced much more than I have. I also want to be able to pour out on those in the beginning stages of their walk with Christ. I also learned that the youth that I got to know, are really serious about following and pursuing Christ, no matter the cost. I feel that it is very trendy to be a Christian in America, and therefore, it is easily accepted. From what I gathered and heard, it is not the same in Scotland. I respect these students so much, for having the boldness and willingness to stand up for Christ and let his light shine in the darkness that is all over. My prayer is that they would stay rooted and established in Christ, so that nothing would hinder them from knowing who they are in Him and following Him wherever He goes. 

8. I am really bad at golf.

While we were in North Berwick, which I heard is where Justin Timberlake golfs (and if you know me well, you know that I like anything relating to JT), we had a little putting tournament of our own. Now whether or not Justin golfs there, I am not really sure, but I am sure that I am not good at golf. I’m somewhat surprised… My grandfather had membership to a golfclub and I can remember going down to good ole Dublin, GA riding around on the golf cart while he and my dad played. I even watch a good amount of golf, and by “watch” I mean “napping through,” naturally. Anyways, I expected that exposure to golf might come in handy. It didn’t.

(There’s Elliot and Justin, not Timberlake, but Boggs. He is pretty cool too.) 

(then Laura fell on her bum.)

(Harry showing off his quaich.)  

9. If you want to have a genuinely good time, go to a Ceilidh. 

Sounds like “Kay-lee.” Its like a dance, but much more fun. I can’t even describe it. Just look at these pictures. 

10. I need to see more!

I have always dreamt of traveling to Europe. I imagined when I went to Scotland that maybe that desire would simmer down a little bit. Nope. I want to see so much more. More of Scotland, more of the UK, more of Europe, the world… everything… anything. I must travel more! I just love seeing new things, learning about history, tradition, and cultures. So we will see what the Lord does with that.

For now, here are some more pictures from my trip. 

(Oh hey Edinburgh.) 

(More North Berwick. Love it!)

(Everything in Scotland is so much prettier. Even the dogs.) 

(I’m seriously obsessed with their chimneys. I am just waiting for Dick Van Dyke to jump out at any second.)

(being blown away—literally and figuratively— on the top of Dunadd Fort) 

(all the ladies of the team) 

I really want to thank everyone who prayed for the team. Your prayers were crucial and they were heard. I feel like the Lord moved and did his thing… I am just glad I got to play a small part in his plan for this youth camp. I also want to thank everyone who contributed. Words cannot express how grateful I am for your generosity. Through this blog, I pray that you see that you’ve invested into the lives of students who are hungry and on fire for God. May you be greatly blessed, as you have blessed me.  

For the past two weeks since I have been home from Scotland, I have been wondering how I could even put my trip into words. In all my thinking, I kept remember things that I had learned along the trip. So here we go. I have divided this blog into two… just to keep you anticipating the next five things, and because I feel that it is too long to put into just one blog post.

1. Scotland is a photographer’s dream land.

I honestly have not touched my camera since I downloaded all of my pictures from Scotland. I decided that my Canon 60d worked so hard it needed a serious siesta. As this was my first trip to Europe, I had planned to get a picture of every single detail. However, once I got there, I couldn’t help but put my camera down every now and then, just to soak in what I was seeing. The Highlands especially take your breath away. You don’t just see beauty; you feel it too. As much as I tried, my pictures could not truly capture the feel of Scotland and its abundant and consuming splendor. 

Here are a few of my attempts to encapsulate the nation of Scotland. 

(North Berwick, my favorite town that we visited) 

(Glasgow, blend of old and new)

(Inveraray, another adorably picturesque town)

(Inveraray Castle… its absolutely surreal)

 (Dunadd Fort, the crowning place for the original Kings of Scotland— see the footprint)

Here is a little video I made of the view atop Dunadd Fort—

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYuEOCV2ERE

2. God is faithful. 

The preparation for the trip was very stressful for me. It shouldn’t have been, but it was. I was so nervous and anxious about the funds that I needed to raise. I felt that the Lord had called me to go to Scotland, but I was believing the lies that I was not supposed to go, because I was not receiving the funds like I thought I would. I hadn’t received any “miraculous” donations. I had paid a a good amount of my funds, and my parents graciously gave a substantial amount as well. Also, I haven’t been working since March, so the money I had saved up was slowly (and not so slowly) slipping away. My job search had been limited as I needed to take off two weeks to go to Scotland. However, in the end, my trip was paid for. And I was told two days before I left that I had gotten the job that I had been praying I would get. I love how God doesn’t only give us what we need, but sometimes he even gives us what we want.

3. It is possible to leave a piece of your heart behind. 

I know that the Lord wanted me to go to Scotland. I pray that he used me, but I feel that I was the one immensely blessed just in meeting the people there. If that had been the only purpose for my trip, I would say that was worth it. At the beginning of the trip, I honestly did not expect to return next year. However, as the week progressed I believed that I will go back next year. Since I have been home, I have felt an emptiness. I miss Scotland, and I honestly did not expect to feel this attached, but I do. I am leaving it up to the Lord to open the doors and provide the way. He did it this year, so I believe he will next year. 

4. Sunsets in Scotland are a wee bit prettier than those in the US. 

On Friday night, we had a homecoming service. Afterwards, we were headed out to get dinner… which is a whole other story about hungry tired Americans making up songs about pizza+the Holy of Holies… really only makes sense if you were there. 

On our way, we had to stop to snap a picture of this beautiful sight. 

5. How to make a proper pot of tea. 

Since going to Scotland, I have not microwaved my water in order to make a cup of tea. I haven’t used a tea kettle, like I should, but in my defense my mom lost hers and mine is packed away in my kitchen stuff. However, I have used a pot…which is a step in the right direction after using a microwave for a very long time. Also, I am now a firm believer of putting milk in my tea. Ok. And yes I know, the picture below is not a cup of tea, but this is the only picture of a teacup that I have from Scotland. Use your imagination. 

6. Chinese lanterns are the perfect way to end a youth camp. 

 Throughout the week, our speaker Miss Annie Downs spoke on the keys we need to “Unlock My Roar:” Jesus, healing, discipline, and finally, courage. The students were delivered and set free from a lot of chains and fears that were holding them back. After ministry time our last night, we danced in freedom. We were then surprised with a treat. I grabbed my camera and walked outside to see the most beautiful sight I may have ever beheld. The symbolism is really what was so magnificent. I feel that it demonstrated the hope that the students felt after the week they had just experienced. 

Hopefully, I will have part 2 up soon. Stay tuned!

I know this is really long, but I found it very helpful, encouraging, and educational. 

Read it with a cup of coffee preferably. 

http://bible.org/article/seven-laws-harvest

Ok, I am taking this opportunity to be honest and authentic. I haven’t blogged in probably five months. The reason why is that no one ever wants to blog about what they are struggling with in their life. Who really wants to tell the world wide web that you are not perfect, you don’t have it all together, or that you are usually lying when you say that you are doing “good.” 

I have been examining my life and the journey it has been on the past six months. Looking at my life a year ago, and looking at my life now… and how very different I feel. Around November, I heard the Lord saying that something significant was going to happen in February. In my mind, I assumed that it would be something wonderful and life-changing. January ended and so did my wonderful “honeymoon” season. I say that because the time I lived in Savannah felt like a honeymoon. Being in a new city, and not really having my group of friends back home, Jesus and I were tight. I mean, I am sure a few people thought I was probably crazy. Constantly writing in my prayer journal, praying out loud in my car, having his joy when I had to be at work at 6 in the morning… It was like nothing could touch me. I was walking in His will and I could feel His delight in my obedience. And then out of nowhere, He pulls me out of that and takes me back home. I felt like he had kept a secret from me. I was mad. I still am a little mad to be quite honest. 

And so February rolls around and I am expecting my confusion to be over, for everything to be back to the way it was. And it wasn’t. and it still isn’t. 

And March came, I decided in my mind that the season I had been in should be over. You know, cause I am the Almighty God, and I can make those decisions… ? Seriously Molly? 

I came to a point where I had to be honest with God. I needed to let him know that I was mad, frustrated, confused. Why had he sent me there just for three months? What is my purpose now? My life before I left was great. I sacrificed two amazing jobs, a church that I love, and other opportunities to follow his path. His path lead me to a dead end. And I know all the “super spiritual” people out there want to whip out a cliche saying like “The Lord is creating a new path,” or “Maybe to you it is a dead end, but to him it is a new beginning.” I understand because I have been there, but once you are in this season, and you feel this way, you do not understand. My heart has been numb. I feel that I have lost my way and I cannot hear him. In my honesty with the Lord, I confronted him with anger and indifference. I neglected the time that we had together, the joy he had filled me with, the re-awakening of love two years prior. I ignored it all. 

One night, in an attempt to feel something from the Lord, I read the book “Heaven Awaits the Bride.” Now I know, nothing is better than the Bible, but just take my word for it; other than God’s word, this book stirs up hunger like nobody’s business. I was reading a section of the book and the main character, Anna, paints a picture of “the garden of her heart.” She then says that she sees Jesus in a tree and tries to convince him to get out of the tree and join her in the garden. He explained that she wanted him in the tree. They discussed that she had not trusted him, and that she had begun to use him. And in that moment, His humanity was revealed to me and I began to weep. I had hurt Jesus’ feelings. In my pain and confusion, I had neglected his faithfulness. I had neglected his character and knowing He is for me and not against me. Out of bitterness, I had chosen to say “no” to His call to join him in the wilderness. I fought it. and I am still fighting it. Some of my friends and I were studying Song of Solomon. In the book, the Lover invites His beloved to join Him in the wilderness. At first she says, “no.” She then comes to her senses and realizes she has made a mistake. In the fifth chapter, He withdraws His presence from her. Her response is not anger and frustration like mine… this is her response: “O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you- if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.” 

Since I read that,  it has been my desire to have an attitude of lovesickness for my Lord. I don’t want to hurt Him anymore. 

I would love to share a testimony, that since that moment, I have been super happy and excited about loving Jesus! It is still very hard. In the past couple of months, I have honestly only heard the Lord speak to me a couple of times. I don’t really feel like myself. I see others around me very happy and I get very cynical. The Lord has given me such a hard and trying season, and I don’t understand why no one else is struggling like I am. And it makes me sad. Nothing last forever, right? I mean, I feel like some people’s path is just a straight, no-incline, path and mine is curvy and up hill. Seriously? I know it “develops character.”  Right now, I don’t want character. I just want Jesus. (lightbulb goes off) I want Jesus!

There is a song that I love, that we sing at Riverstone and there is a line that says, “I can’t live without your presence.” And lately, I have realized you can live without His presence… it is just very very hard and unpleasant at times. However, I guess I have kinda realized that we/I pursue His presence more than we/I pursue Jesus. Its like that book, Jesus told Anna that she had been using Him. I don’t want to use Jesus for his presence. If I am really pursuing Jesus and pursuing a life like His, I am pursuing suffering.. hardships. I don’t want to waste this season. I don’t want to look back and see that I responded angrily. I want to glorify God when I cannot see, hear or feel Him. 

There are a lot of things that I don’t understand. I don’t understand why I am in Dallas, Ga. I don’t understand why the Lord hasn’t provided me with a job. I don’t understand why I am still single. I don’t understand why I feel the way I do. I don’t understand why all the doors I approach seem to be closed. I don’t understand why God would withdraw his presence from me. 
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

But when does God ever say that we are supposed to understand. He asks us to trust him in ALL things.  You know maybe when the Lord said “February” he was planning something wonderful and life-altering… At the moment, it looked/looks difficult and ugly. But I must remember a pearl is created out of the irritation in a mollusk shell. Something so beautiful and pure is made from an “irritation.” 

This is a concept, I am trying to grasp. Writing this blog, has actually been very beneficial. And that is all the Lord may have desired for me to write it. For lightbulbs to go off in my head. I feel that I process much better when I write out all the thoughts spinning through my mind. I do not have it all together. I feel very crazy sometimes. I know Jesus is working, but it is hard to trust when I see no “results.” I am not perfect by any standards. I know the Lord loves me and is pursuing me. I pray that I will chose daily to pursue my pursuer. To trust the faithful one. To delight in the hardship. To understand that I don’t have to understand. To remember his goodness. To glorify God through this season, instead of trying to get out of it.